Stop Me if You’ve Heard This One by Kristen Arnett


An excerpt from Arnett’s novel of the same name. This is a bizarre and hilarious story about a somewhat sinister, adulterous lesbian clown.

Dwight had already seen me perform back when I was first starting out. He’d liked it fine, he’d said, but it wasn’t exactly his thing. That I understood—my big brother was never going to be the kind of guy who’d admit that I was funnier than him. But my mother, that was different. I’d wanted her approval. The look on her face, I’ll never forget; it was as if I were the most revolting thing she’d ever seen. Like she couldn’t believe she’d given birth to something so foul.

“Cheryl,” she’d said, after several agonizing seconds had passed, “What do you want me to say?”

That was the first and last time I ever performed in front of my mother.

Read the story



All featured authors

Abby ManzellaAD SchweissAlex DiFrancescoAlex Marzano-LesnevichAllison Field BellAmber BairdAmelia GrayAmorak HueyAmy DeBellisAndrea BishopAndrea CavedoAndrew Bertainaandrew rutledgeAnnalisa CrawfordAnne P. BeattyAnne PanningArthur H. MannersArthur MandalAvitus B. CarleBarlow AdamsBeth KanterBeth ShermanBethany CutkompBrandon ForinashBrian D. HinsonBrian EvensonCaleb BetheaCamara S. GarrettCandace Leigh CoulombeCarly AlaimoCarmen Maria MachadoCasey McFadzeanCatherine LaceyCecily CarverCharlie RogerschatgptChris ScottChristian EscalonaChristine H. ChenCiara AlfaroClare ReddawayColeman BigelowColin AlexanderCorey FarrenkopfDana WallDavid WatersDerek FisherDouglas A WrightElda OrozcoElise JeanmarieElissa LashElvira NavarroEmily AustinEmily HampsonEmily RinkemaEmily WaughErik CederblomErin StriffErin WoodEvan HannonFrances GapperFrancesca LeaderGarret CroweGary FinneganGraham MortHannah GregoryHannah SmartJ. Haase VetterJ.R. DawsonJack B BedellJake MaynardJamey GallagherJamie GillJay McKenzieJeanann VerleeJennifer PintoJisun ParkJoel Henry LittleJohn HaggertyJordan HarperJosh RankJP RelphJude DoyleK. A. PolzinKara OakleafKaren HeulerKate AxefordKatherine PlumhoffKatie ten HagenKaty GoforthKeegan LawlerKelli Dianne RuleKelly RobsonKevin Light-RothKevin SterneKevin WilsonKim FuKim MagowanKristen ArnettKyla HaningtonLaura ZapicoLena ValenciaLillie E. FranksLincoln MichelLindsay ComerM.A. BoswellM.E. ProctorMadeleine VigneronMarco VisciolaccioMarijean OldhamMarilyn DuarteMark IfansonMary HeitkampMegan CumminsMeghan Louise WagnerMichelle DrozdickNathan LeslieNick EkkizogloyP.R. O’LearyPatrick FealeyPhebe JewellRobin BeckerRuth BrandtS.A. GreeneSadie Sartini GarnerSara McKinneySarah GerardSarah Lynn HurdSarah MullensSophie HamptonSpencer NitkeyStephen DixonSudha BalagopalSumitra SingamSusan PeraboTaisiya KoganTam EastleyTed ChiangTerese SvobodaTimothy ReillyTracie Adams