Stop Me if You’ve Heard This One by Kristen Arnett


An excerpt from Arnett’s novel of the same name. This is a bizarre and hilarious story about a somewhat sinister, adulterous lesbian clown.

Dwight had already seen me perform back when I was first starting out. He’d liked it fine, he’d said, but it wasn’t exactly his thing. That I understood—my big brother was never going to be the kind of guy who’d admit that I was funnier than him. But my mother, that was different. I’d wanted her approval. The look on her face, I’ll never forget; it was as if I were the most revolting thing she’d ever seen. Like she couldn’t believe she’d given birth to something so foul.

“Cheryl,” she’d said, after several agonizing seconds had passed, “What do you want me to say?”

That was the first and last time I ever performed in front of my mother.

Read the story



All featured authors

Abby ManzellaAD SchweissAlex DiFrancescoAlex Marzano-LesnevichAllison Field BellAmber BairdAmelia GrayAmorak HueyAmy DeBellisAndrea BishopAndrea CavedoAndrew Bertainaandrew rutledgeAnnalisa CrawfordAnne P. BeattyAnne PanningArthur H. MannersArthur MandalAvitus B. CarleBarlow AdamsBeth KanterBeth ShermanBethany CutkompBob JohnsonBrandon ForinashBrian D. HinsonBrian EvensonCaleb BetheaCamara S. GarrettCandace Leigh CoulombeCarly AlaimoCarmen Maria MachadoCasey McFadzeanCatherine LaceyCecily CarverCharlie RogerschatgptChris ScottChristian EscalonaChristine H. ChenCiara AlfaroClare ReddawayColeman BigelowColin AlexanderCorey FarrenkopfDana WallDavid SummerfieldDavid WatersDerek FisherDouglas A WrightElda OrozcoElise JeanmarieElissa LashElizabeth JannuzziElvira NavarroEmily AustinEmily HampsonEmily RinkemaEmily WaughErik CederblomErin StriffErin WoodÉva SzékelyEvan HannonFionnuala MeehanFrances GapperFrancesca LeaderGarret CroweGary FinneganGraham MortHannah GregoryHannah SmartJ. Haase VetterJ. Malcolm GarciaJ.R. DawsonJ.W. GollJack B BedellJake MaynardJamey GallagherJamie GillJay McKenzieJeanann VerleeJeff FriedmanJennifer PintoJisun ParkJoel Henry LittleJohn HaggertyJordan HarperJosh RankJP RelphJude DoyleJuliet Gelfman-RandazzoK. A. PolzinKara OakleafKaren HeulerKate ArnoldKate AxefordKatherine PlumhoffKatie ten HagenKaty GoforthKeegan LawlerKelli Dianne RuleKelly RobsonKevin Light-RothKevin SterneKevin WilsonKim FuKim MagowanKristen ArnettKyla HaningtonLaura ZapicoLena ValenciaLillie E. FranksLincoln MichelLindsay ComerM.A. BoswellM.E. ProctorMackenzie HurlbertMadeleine VigneronMarco VisciolaccioMarijean OldhamMarilyn DuarteMark IfansonMary HeitkampMegan CumminsMeghan Louise WagnerMichelle DrozdickMonte LinNatalie WartherNathan LeslieNick EkkizogloyP.R. O’LearyPatrick FealeyPete ProkeschPhebe JewellRachel OffordRobin BeckerRose HollanderRuth BrandtS.A. GreeneSadie Sartini GarnerSamanta SchweblinSamantha Xiao CodySara McKinneySarah GerardSarah Lynn HurdSarah MullensSarah PerrinSophie HamptonSpencer NitkeyStephen DixonSudha BalagopalSumitra SingamSusan PeraboTaffy Brodesser-AknerTaisiya KoganTam EastleyTed ChiangTerese SvobodaTim MaughanTimothy ReillyTracie Adams