This is written from the perspective of a 6(?) year-old kid, and the narrator’s voice is perfect. Tears of laughter. By the second paragraph you’ll be hooked.

Anyways, so, like, back when the internet went beep boop beep boop bzzzzzzzt, my brother, he says these culdy sack kids down the road in Cherry Hills, ya know that kind of neighborhood where all the houses are brown beige and just, like, copy and pasted and copy and pasted, anyways, these kids, their chihuahua got lung cancer real bad because their mom smoked like a million packs a day. Got the dog second hand smoked. 

I want lots more of this.