Elevator Etiquette: A User’s Guide by Derek Fisher


This story starts strange and goes off the deep end in a hurry. It’s a memo to the residents of a high-rise about how to conduct themselves in the elevator:

If you are lucky enough to live on 13, please utter the Incantation of Ages. If you fail to utter the Incantation, and it is reported, you will be evicted from floor 13. When you utter the Incantation, any and all passengers should get on their knees and grovel, including dogs.

It only gets weirder from there.

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Abby ManzellaAD SchweissAlex DiFrancescoAlex Marzano-LesnevichAllison Field BellAmber BairdAmelia GrayAmorak HueyAmy DeBellisAndrea BishopAndrea CavedoAndrew Bertainaandrew rutledgeAnnalisa CrawfordAnne P. BeattyAnne PanningArthur H. MannersArthur MandalAvitus B. CarleBarlow AdamsBeth KanterBeth ShermanBethany CutkompBrandon ForinashBrian D. HinsonBrian EvensonCaleb BetheaCamara S. GarrettCandace Leigh CoulombeCarly AlaimoCarmen Maria MachadoCasey McFadzeanCatherine LaceyCecily CarverCharlie RogerschatgptChris ScottChristian EscalonaChristine H. ChenCiara AlfaroClare ReddawayColeman BigelowColin AlexanderCorey FarrenkopfDana WallDavid WatersDerek FisherDouglas A WrightElda OrozcoElise JeanmarieElissa LashElvira NavarroEmily AustinEmily HampsonEmily RinkemaEmily WaughErik CederblomErin StriffErin WoodEvan HannonFrances GapperFrancesca LeaderGarret CroweGary FinneganGraham MortHannah GregoryHannah SmartJ. Haase VetterJ. Malcolm GarciaJ.R. DawsonJack B BedellJake MaynardJamey GallagherJamie GillJay McKenzieJeanann VerleeJeff FriedmanJennifer PintoJisun ParkJoel Henry LittleJohn HaggertyJordan HarperJosh RankJP RelphJude DoyleK. A. PolzinKara OakleafKaren HeulerKate ArnoldKate AxefordKatherine PlumhoffKatie ten HagenKaty GoforthKeegan LawlerKelli Dianne RuleKelly RobsonKevin Light-RothKevin SterneKevin WilsonKim FuKim MagowanKristen ArnettKyla HaningtonLaura ZapicoLena ValenciaLillie E. FranksLincoln MichelLindsay ComerM.A. BoswellM.E. ProctorMadeleine VigneronMarco VisciolaccioMarijean OldhamMarilyn DuarteMark IfansonMary HeitkampMegan CumminsMeghan Louise WagnerMichelle DrozdickNathan LeslieNick EkkizogloyP.R. O’LearyPatrick FealeyPete ProkeschPhebe JewellRobin BeckerRuth BrandtS.A. GreeneSadie Sartini GarnerSamantha Xiao CodySara McKinneySarah GerardSarah Lynn HurdSarah MullensSarah PerrinSophie HamptonSpencer NitkeyStephen DixonSudha BalagopalSumitra SingamSusan PeraboTaisiya KoganTam EastleyTed ChiangTerese SvobodaTimothy ReillyTracie Adams